Ask yourself . . .

  • Have you ever been hit, kicked, shoved or had things thrown at you?
  • Does your partner criticize the way you talk and dress?
  • Are there times when your partner’s teasing hurts your feelings?
  • Does your partner hurt you during sex?
  • Does your partner ever threaten you?
  • Does your partner demand that you stay at home?
  • Are you frightened by your partner’s temper?
  • Does your partner make you feel bad about yourself?
  • Does your partner ever call you names?
  • Does your partner get angry if you disagree with him or her?
  • Does your partner call or text you numerous times a day to check up on you?
  • Have you ever been forced by your partner to have sex when you did not want to?
  • Does your partner prevent you from having friends?
  • Does your partner make fun of your family or friends?
  • Has your partner ever harmed or threatened to harm a pet that belongs to you?
  • Has your partner ever destroyed any of your personal belongings?
  • Does your partner ever scream and shout at you?
  • Does your partner become violent when he or she uses alcohol or drugs?
  • Does your partner ever accuse you of having affairs?
  • Does your partner control the money and bank accounts?

Are you being abused?
One to two women are murdered by a current or
former partner each week in Canada.

— M. Dauvergne,Homicide in Canada, 2001

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are in an abusive relationship. Please call the Lloydminster Interval Home crisis line at (780) 875-0966 for support and information.

TYPES OF ABUSE

PHYSICAL ABUSE

  • Hitting, Slapping, Punching, Choking, Biting, Throwing Objects
  • Kicking, Spitting, Pinching, Hair Pulling, Cutting
  • Burning, Shooting, Stabbing, Drowning
  • Physical Neglect through denial of food, basic necessities or medication
  • Inappropriate Personal Medical Care
  • Rough Handling or Confinement

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

  • Depriving a partner or child of love and affection
  • Constant yelling, screaming
  • Name calling, insults, threats, humiliation or criticism
  • Isolation from friends, family, neighbours
  • Making fun of activities or talents
  • Twisting reality to make you think you are crazy
  • Saying things like “You are just like your mother or father”
  • Not allowing you to eat, sleep or go to the washroom
  • Threatening to hurt themselves, you or someone else
  • Sulking or the silent treatment for hours, days or weeks
  • Scaring by intimidation
  • Smashing or breaking things
  • Controlling your activities, who you see, what you do, needing to know where you are at all times and how long you will be there
  • Excessive jealousy

SEXUAL ABUSE

  • Unwanted sexual touching
  • Forcing someone to participate in any unwanted, unsafe, degrading or offensive sexual activity
  • Forced to watch pornography or be the focus of sexual jokes
  • Sexual harassment or sexual exploitation
  • Controlling a woman’s reproductive choices

DESTRUCTION OF PROPERTY OR PETS

  • The attack is not done to the person but meant to cause fear, shame, and submission by destroying personal items, clothing, or things that mean a lot to the person
  • Hurt or kill a pet that belongs to the victim

ECONOMIC OR FINANCIAL ABUSE

  • Partner controls the family money/bank accounts
  • Makes the other person ask for money
  • May prevent partner from getting and keeping a job
  • Controlling occupational choices
  • Forcing partner to co-sign bank loans without any understanding or against their wishes
  • Victim not involved in financial decisions

SPIRITUAL ABUSE

  • Forcing partner to participate in religious gatherings/rituals against their will
  • Denying partner/children freedom of religion
  • Ridiculing beliefs and values
  • Using spiritual beliefs to justify controlling behaviour

STALKING

  • Partner repeatedly follows you or someone known to you
  • Partner repeatedly communicates with you either directly or indirectly. Directly can be by telephone, texting, in person, leaving messages on answering machines, sending unwanted gifts, notes, letters, emails or social networking sites. Indirectly can be by contacting people you know or making repeated inquiries about you.
  • Partner threatens family members or friends
  • Partner breaks into your house or car, steals belongings
  • Partner vandalizes your property or belongings
  • Partner violates restraining or protection orders
  • Partner is persistently close by or watching your home or any place where you or anyone known to you live or work

CYCLE OF VIOLENCE

All relationships that turn abusive tend to follow the same pattern. This pattern is called ‘The Cycle of Violence’. The cycle often begins with a quick romantic relationship. Partner is easy to talk to, fun to be around, charming, wins over family and friends and gives lots of gifts and romancing. Within a short time, the couple spends all their time together.

Tension Stage: Could be a few days, weeks, months or even years into the relationship. The partner begins to create tension over minor things. This stage is characterized by insults, put downs, name calling, threats and “walking on eggshells”. An incident triggers a violent episode.

Violent Episode: This is the most dangerous stage. The incident is something unusual from the way he/she acts. This stage is characterized by lack of control that may result in physical injury, sexual assault or even death. Incident may scare the victim or make he/she question relationship. The incident catches the victim off-guard.

Calm Stage: The aggressor promises to never do it again. The aggressor will often buy flowers, gifts or act caring. There is a promise to get help or change. The aggressor may become the romantic, lovable person the victim first met and spend quality time with the kids.

Abusers use fear, guilt, shame and intimidation to maintain control in the relationship. All abusive relationships follow this cycle of violence but what can differ between relationships is the timeline of the cycle and the level of violence the victim may experience. For example, the timeline between stages could be days or weeks for some and months to years for others. Some victims will suffer from hitting and punching while another victim could endure serious assaults with weapons. Again while every relationship is different, all abusive relationships follow this cycle.

Family violence and abuse does not discriminate. Abuse happens among heterosexual couples and same sex couples. It happens within all age groups, all ethnic backgrounds and all economic levels. Abusive behavior is never acceptable.

If you recognize yourself living within the cycle of violence and are experiencing violence in your relationship, please contact our 24 hours crisis line at (780) 875-0966 or learn about Safety Planning.

BULLYING

Studies indicate that Bullying occurs every 7 minutes
on the playground and every 25 minutes in the classroom.

Cyber Bullying:

  • Electronic bullying, online bullying or cyber harassment.
  • Use of technology to harass, threaten, embarrass, or target another person.
  • Cyber bullying inflicts serious harm on the kids and adults who are victimized.
  • It is about power and control; establishing dominance over those they view as weaker.
  • Ways to bully online include sending threatening or insulting messages, spreading hateful rumors, building websites to target others, posting embarrassing pictures and sending unwanted sexual information.

Bullying Behaviour Includes:

  • Hitting, Spitting, Pinching, Biting, Hair Pulling, Kicking, Slapping
  • Name Calling
  • Pushing/Shoving
  • Stealing
  • Humiliating, Being Made Fun Of
  • Gossiping
  • Restraining
  • Ripping Clothing and Destroying Belongings
  • Being Shouted At
  • Invalid Criticism
  • Being Singled Out or Treated Differently

Signs of Bullying:

  • Sudden fear or reluctance to go to school
  • Spending more time alone
  • Spending less time doing activities once enjoyed
  • Changes in eating or sleeping patterns
  • Grades begin to fall
  • Ripped or torn clothing at the end of the day
  • Frequent cuts or bruises
  • Loss of money or possessions
  • Physical complaints such as headaches or stomachaches

Impacts of Bullying

  • Feelings of fear, hurt, anger and anxiety
  • Some victims have a drop in school performance
  • Victim feels like they cannot escape the harassment
  • “Walking on eggshells” if they do not know who the bully is
  • Feel powerless, frustrated, excluded, exposed and embarrassed
  • Fear of losing access to technology if they tell their parents what is happening
  • Depression or suicide

If you are being bullied:

  • Walk away and get to a safe place
  • Avoid places where bullying has happened
  • Talk to someone you trust like your parents, teacher, counselor or coach
  • Talk to the school Principal
  • If you are experiencing cyberbullying, block sender’s messages and do not reply
  • Save the message and forward it to your internet service provider
  • If messages involve threats, contact the police

ELDER ABUSE

Elder Abuse is the infliction of physical, emotional or psychological harm on a vulnerable older adult. Abuse can happen in the elderly person’s own home, family member’s home or in a care facility.

Types of Elder Abuse

  • Physical Abuse: Hitting, slapping, punching, choking, kicking, spitting, pinching, hair pulling, burning, shooting, stabbing, physical neglect through denial of food or medication, inappropriate personal medical care, rough handling or confinement, force feeding.
  • Emotional/Psychological Abuse: Putting the person down, making fun of activities or talents, twisting reality to make the person think they are crazy, removal of decision making power although the person is competent to make their own decisions, threats of harm, controlling who you see and what you do.
  • Financial Abuse: Misuse of an elderly person’s money or property through trickery, fraud, theft or force, taking cheques, stealing items.
  • Neglect: When an elderly persons basic needs are not being met such as clothing, shelter, medical care, health, personal care, social needs, being locked in or confined to a room.
  • Self Neglect: Behaviour of an elderly person that threatens his/her own health and safety. Self Neglect includes refusal or failure to provide him or herself with adequate food, water, clothing, shelter, personal hygiene, medication and safety precautions.
  • Sexual Abuse: Unwanted sexual contact including touching, sexual assault or rape.

Indicators

  • Frequent arguments between the elderly person and caregiver
  • Changes in personality or behaviour
  • Signs of injury such as bruises, cuts, scars, dislocations, sprains, fractures
  • Caregiver’s refusal to allow you to see the elderly person alone
  • Signs of being restrained
  • Malnutrition, weight loss, dehydration
  • Bed sores
  • Unsanitary living conditions
  • Unsafe living conditions
  • Significant withdrawals from elderly person’s bank account
  • Changes in financial situation
  • Items missing
  • Problems with care facility
  • Changes in will or power of attorney
  • Evidence of inadequate medical care

Dating Violence is

any intentional psychological,

sexual

or physical attack

on one partner by the other in a dating relationship.

Studies show that Dating Violence is a serious problem in Canada. Dating Violence can happen to anyone, of any age.

  • Partner has threatened to hurt you or people close to you
  • Partner has threatened suicide if you end relationship
  • Partner has forced you to watch pornography
  • Partner needs to know where you are at all times
  • Partner acting jealous or possessive
  • Partner decides how you act and how you dress
  • Partner keeps you away from family and friends
  • Partner breaks or throws objects when angry
  • Partner has pressured you to participate in sexual acts
  • Partner has hit, slapped, punched, kicked , bit, pushed or spit on you
  • Partner has come from an alcoholic or violent home
  • Partner becomes angry when using alcohol or drugs
  • Partner degrades, humiliates or insults you
  • Partner calls you names
  • Partner unwilling to talk about feelings
  • Partner blames others for abusive behavior
  • Partner does not allow you to work
  • Partner ridicules your beliefs and values
  • Partner continuously accuses you of flirting or having an affair
  • Partner expects sex in return for paying for a date